Make The Approach Work...

The Date And Beyond

The 1st Date

Here are some tips to remember about the initial date. Keep in mind...

•  Do something that would be fun and comfortable for both of you, taking into account interests, degree of intimacy and available time.

•  Be creative about where to go and what to do on a first date.

•  Be honest about your feelings about how the date went and your interest in each other, making sure not to lead the person on.

•  Times have changed. Women as well as men can take the initiative in asking for a date.

•  Always thank the other person for the date.

•  The initial phases of dating take time and effort and cause anxiety, but hang in there. Your efforts will eventually pay off.

The Second Date And Beyond

Some of our suggestions for the second date and beyond will depend on you and the person you are dating, some recommendations may not suit you but others may, but no matter what you do having fun is the main priority. Some ideas may not be appropriate until you know the other person well enough.

Where To Go And What To Do:

•  Spend time one-on-one, but also with other types of people.

•  Vary what you do. Plan some activities but also spend unstructured time together.

•  Vary where you go. Spend time at home to see how you adapt to a home situation, but also at outside social activities.

•  Be indoors at a museum or concert as well as outdoors at a picnic or beach.

•  Include social activities, but also mundane ones to see how well you adapt to doing these together (visit the bank or drop into a 24 hour supermarket for shampoo!)

•  Come up with ideas on your own and also ask for the other person's suggestions. Welcome disagreements to see how you negotiate and resolve differences.

Additional Suggestions For Second Dates And Beyond •  Do laundry or errands together on a Sunday afternoon. •  Make a social visit to family. Go together on a family picnic, take your parents out to dinner, or visit your grandmother on a Sunday. •  Visit an aunt or grandparent in a nursing home or retirement village, to get a sense of how you each deal with aging. •  Visit a friend who has just had a baby. •  Visit a sick family member to see how you both handle illness.

•  Host a dinner party to see how you both share responsibilities and prepare for guests. Togetherness is heightened as you work as a team for others. You also get to meet each other's friends, see how you treat friends and if all your friends get along.

•  Go with him or her to an appointment.

•  Attend religious services together.

•  Cook a sensuous meal.

•  Do something for the other person that she or he needs or would like.

•  Attend a wedding together- or a funeral. Sharing sad times is as revealing as happy occasions.

•  Spend a Saturday afternoon volunteering together.

•  Go shopping together. Since most men traditionally don't enjoy shopping, choose something he needs or enjoys, like window shopping.

•  Watch a video at home together. While this can be a popular suggestion for initial dates, save this for later dates because coming over can imply pressure for intimacy and trigger feelings about not being taken out and treated.

•  Take a class together. Learn a language, dancing, wine tasting, computer skills, or try a class about relationships!

•  Get a massage together.